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Thursday, October 13, 2011

leading or being lead to knowledge

I don't learn very well when someone leads me to fact being lead to knowledge can be one of the most frusterating things I can experience. 

Being lead means that I don't have much interaction...I just, and only follow or listen.  I've learned that I really need to be able to repeat things back, put them in my own words and reiterate where I think we've been and where i think we're going.  A huge Part of me learning, is me guessing where I think we're going next.  I enjoy telling this guess to my teacher.  If I feel that I truely understand where I've been then I will  have a good idea where we're going.  If however I can't guess where we're going there is a good chance I don't know where we've been and have actually been lost for some time.  When I get to this point....I get soooooooo angry......its a terrible feeling.  When I'm lost that anger and pain come from the fact that I have TOO MANY possible truths, meaning the "truth" the teacher is trying to teach is not solidly related to what he/she said before, and I feel like "why in the hell would they say that" and I just  have to agree...even if I don't understand I just have to agree...and that is soooo dumb...that is what slaves have to do.  The truth is that I DO WANT TO UNDERSTAND.  But If I feel like I'm lost I start trying to guess on my own...and I'm in the huge endless world of guessing...but I'm not supposed to be there I'm supposed to be riding int he understanding boat with the teacher.

I'd like to not feel this way.

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